Stay Alert, Control The Virus, Save Lives.. yep, that’s the slogan that Boris wants the nation to get behind… Stay Alert!? That’s the advice you give your under 16s when they’re defending a corner-kick. “Corner taken quickly, ORIGI”! I’m surprised he didn’t follow up with “Don’t Lose Your Man”. Seeing Boris shaking his fist at the camera trying to sound more convincing definitely didn’t aid his ambiguous message. Go to work but don’t use public transport, you can see a member from another household but you have to social distance, stay alert to a virus which is invisible; 30 marks to whoever can complete this impossible challenge and please show your working out. The best one is that we’re now allowed unlimited exercise time outside of our homes; are we training to defeat The Night King? Unlimited exercise will surely unlock Stage 6 on that Covid Alert System ‘cos all the British public heard was “let’s ‘av a fukin’ booze up in da park”. This attempt to ease the lockdown is definitely gonna cause another spike in cases. You guys ain’t gonna be able to exercise for an unlimited amount of time when that Corona tap dances on your respiratory system.
I do have sympathy for the government though, it’s a ‘lose lose’ situation ‘cos whatever Boris had announced would’ve been faced with scepticism of some sort. You can’t reason with a nation who are restless and longing for a return back to normal. Just look at the U.S., they got tired of COVID and thought ‘f*ck it, COVID is over’, no vaccine, no problem. I saw a video recently of these gym fanatics doing push-ups and squats on the streets of Florida in protest to get gyms reopened lol. Isn’t it ironic that they actually proved that a workout can be done irrespective of being in a gym? I get it though, these home workouts have me feeling like I’m on the wing in Belmarsh, banged up for a crime I didn’t commit like Steven Avery. But some of you guys gym passes was collecting dust way before COVID hit the streets yet you’re up in arms about them being closed; behave yourself! If you wanted to be disingenuous at least make it make sense. People have found a new voice online ‘cos they know social distancing laws means they’re entitled to hide behind their keyboards.
I don’t blame people for being restless though, I’m certainly in that boat too. We’re being asked to social distance and stay at home yet day after day we’re told of high profile figures not adhering to these government laws. Even the Professor who was advising the government about the COVID strategy was found visiting his mistress for extra curricular activities. That “do as I say not as I do” mentality ain’t gonna run in a nation that’s been locked up for two months now. To be honest, his private affairs are the least of my concern. Whilst other countries were closing schools and shutting down local amenities, this guy had the nation washing their hands to the ‘Happy Birthday’ tune. It’s like we saw how COVID was moonwalking through all these other nations yet chose to have a “hold my beer” moment and made a complete hash of things. Even footballer Kyle Walker was caught breaking social distancing laws again after initially apologising for hosting a sex party. I know football’s been canned for a while but please don’t try go for a hattrick Kyle, you’re only a defender.
I guess we have to wait and see how these next couple of weeks pan out and hopefully get that COVID alert number as low of possible.. you know, that alert system which looks like the Nando’s Peri-ometer. We’re currently at ‘Hot’ but ideally we need to be at ‘Extra Mild’ before we can transition to a new normal. Following the easing of restrictions I won’t be surprised if we hit that ‘Peri Flamer’ alert… that’s that different ish most people aren’t privy about. Regardless of any advice given, I’m not trying to put myself in unnecessary danger. It’s already been established that people from BAME backgrounds are disproportionately harassed by police… I mean disproportionately affected by COVID-19, so I don’t exactly need another reason to stay my a** at home. My heart goes out to the rail ticket officer who recently passed after being spat at by a member of public who’d contracted the virus. I genuinely feel blessed that I can do my job in the comfort of my own home ‘cos there’s an invisible war out there which I’m not equipped to fight. May you rest in perfect peace and your killer has that manslaughter charge waiting for him.
I’ve attached a link to the World Health Organisation’s advice on Coronavirus, symptoms to be made aware of and how to avoid catching or spreading the virus. It’ll take a collective effort to reduce the spread, let’s all do our collective part.