The last couple of weeks during lockdown have been uber-productive for me! In the last couple days alone I’ve managed to become a master chef, ran a 5k in 5 minutes, hosted a financial advice seminar with Jeff Bezos, developed a vaccine for COVID-19 & 20 whilst still having enough time to raise more money for the NHS than Captain Tom Moore… that’s right, even in the midst of a pandemic you still have people lying unprovoked for the attention of strangers online. Social media wants you to believe that with all this extra time on your hands you must have developed a second string of income by now. We’re not at home by choice, I think you’ll be forgiven if your productivity is at a low considering the current times we’re living in. I’m even having trouble turning up for work and for the last two months that’s been in my living room. I’m logging in at 8:59 because the #LeaveYourBedChallenge is kicking my a** at the moment. Some of you guys have them mattresses with the springs poking through the material so I’m sure that challenge is no sweat.
I recently read a BBC article entitled “Will COVID-19 put an end to the handshake?”… bro, I’ve been advocating for this to be eradicated way before Corona. I’ve seen people use public urinals and skip the sinks like it’s a YouTube ad, I am very happy to go without skin to skin contact? I’d rather do that ‘foot-tap’ greeting even if that means coming in contact with a man’s beat-up Diadora trainers. That’s that brand you can only get at Sports Direct, one of the ‘essential’ stores, so you know anyone wearing those cannot be trusted. As trivial as the article was, it does get you wondering about the ways of living post-COVID. In my head I’ve already written off the whole of 2020 like expenses, I’ll go over again in 2021. Imagine, I finally decided to get organised and plan several holidays throughout the year only to be blindsided by a global pandemic, what are the odds aye. Serves me right for trying to plan for my future.
More and more countries however are flirting with the idea of a phased approach to relaxing the restrictions… lemme see how that goes. Once the rules in the U.K. are relaxed I’m still gonna self-isolate for a few weeks longer just to check you guys haven’t developed any new symptoms. Taste the air outside and confirm it’s N2 and O2 as opposed to C19 then report back to me. I didn’t quarantine for this long only to catch something during extra time, golden-goal settings. Nor will I be the first in line for any vaccine which gets produced. Seeing the impact COVID has had I’m convinced the first couple vaccines produced would’ve skipped a whole bunch of regulatory checks. Jumping the queue like it had that Thorpe Park VIP fast-track pass. A conveyor belt of medicines being churned out ‘cos some people’s primary objective is to make a profit. Scientists are gonna be in their labs like Professor Utonium when he created the Powerpuff Girls, just mixing together a bunch of ingredients until you find one which leaves you with less harmful symptoms than COVID.
The only friend I have been in close contact with recently though is Amazon.com. I’ve been keeping myself busy with a whole bunch of non-essential purchases just because… isolating funds from my bank account. I recently ordered a Yahama guitar but I’m still working out if it’ll be for playing or aesthetics; quarantine won’t stop me from stunting! But those guys are taking contactless delivery to a whole new level; one knock on the door and they’ve left the parcel on your doorstep, already making an exit. If I wanted shoddy service I’d have purchased via Hermes. I missed a delivery from them ‘cos they claimed I “wasn’t at home”… those fools couldn’t even drum up a plausible lie to mask their incompetence. Speaking of incompetence, Trump suggested we drink bleach as a potential Corona-cure so perhaps he wants us to swap the coughing for coffins. He must be trying to give those Ghanaian dancing pallbearers some business during these tough times. It goes without saying but please don’t drink bleach, I’m sure hospitals are busy enough without your tomfoolery. Social distancing from stupidity is a trend I don’t mind backing.
I’ve attached a link to the World Health Organisation’s advice on Coronavirus, symptoms to be made aware of and how to avoid catching or spreading the virus. It’ll take a collective effort to reduce the spread, let’s all do our collective part.