The ‘like’ button, such an innocent piece of functionality. There it goes minding its own business yet people go out of their way to collect them. Whether it’s a thumbs-up or a heart, people want as much likes as possible ‘cos the crave for attention is real… welcome to social media. The crave doesn’t stop there though, you also have those guys who go out of their way to be a nuisance just to cause controversy. Trolling, or perhaps as I like to call it, ‘online sh*thousery’. Social media has created this select group of people who voluntarily post inflammatory comments or off-topic messages just to get a rise out of others and users, including myself, have taken the bait. The scary thing is that these individuals live among us in everyday society. They’re our teachers, our cashiers, our neighbours, our line-managers… they’re out and about doing everyday things but when they log onto their Twitter or Facebook profiles at night, they’re like Thanos with the rings, absolute parasites.
And I’m convinced these guys trail through hundreds of posts on their timelines, desperate to find something to comment on. Biting their nails, sweat gripping from their brow, anxious to find something remotely controversial to leech onto. Probably the same jokers who make sure every YouTube video has at least one dislike… yes, I’m convinced this is a thing. It’s not by force bro, sometimes less trolling and more scrolling. One of my biggest fears is looking through the comments section of a social media post and seeing someone I know intentionally trying to troll a situation. Bro, I’ll block you quicker than you can imagine. Big men or women doing Krusty the Clown under news articles or Instagram posts is a friend I can do without. At least have the decency to change your profile picture to a car or a famous footballer like the rest of them burner accounts… but spurting nonsense from your main account is a new type of tomfoolery.
You can express your love for Ronaldo and people will comment and say Messi is better. You can say you like a particular restaurant and people will call you broke if it’s not Michelin star. You can post a picture wearing your latest grip and people will say your coat’s material wasn’t ethically sourced. Imagine going out of your way to give an opinion that no-one ever asked for, moving like those gossip aunties at church. And as much as I’d like to say you should just ignore them, it’s hard when you’re personally confronted with their antics. That’s exactly how my music career came to an end… 15 year-old Joe posting his tunes on YouTube only for someone to comment “this is sh*t” lol, I deleted the whole channel and focused on my education. Don’t get me wrong, he or she probably did me a favour but people only seem to be this direct behind a computer screen.
The day you see me entertaining these keyboard-warriors is the day you know I’ve been made redundant and I just have way too much time on my hands. And if I’m not unemployed then please take my phone away from me ‘cos it’s only downhill from there. Misery loves company and some people’s objective is to be a nuisance by means necessary. Did your parents come to this country for you to be trolling others all willy-nilly? I wish deportation upon your life even if you’re British-born. When you close your laptop at night after a full day’s worth of trolling, I wonder if you’re ever satisfied with the shift you put in ‘cos when you go to university and study that BTEC Clownery, I’m sure you want to put that theory into practise. I definitely have it in mind not to entertain the nonsense going forward, I have no dependencies so there’s no need to be feeding the trolls.