Leicester City’s odds of winning the Premier League were 5000/1 but that didn’t stop Jack and the lads putting a cheeky bet on them clinching it. Fast forward 9 months and they were a couple grand richer and smug as hell. After a couple pints, those same guys probably thought it’ll be a laugh to vote for Brexit in the EU Referendum. Little did they know they’ll wake up in the morning a tad poorer relative to every other currency. Raheem ain’t the only sterling doing sh*t this summer it seems. That lads holiday to Ibiza got changed to a train ride to Dorset overnight. People be like ‘Joe, we left the EU!’… We? Oooh you mean ‘Oui’. You must be speaking French buddy, my Nigerian passport in my other hand means I got my escape route like Michael Scofield in Prison Break… not that it allows me into too many more countries but wishful thinking aye!
Waking up to the news that Britain voted to leave the EU gave me the same feeling as when I found out that the Undertaker had lost at Wrestlemania. There were talks of it happening but I never realistically thought it would. The over 65’s came in their masses to vote for something where the effects would only be realised once they kick the bucket. Slow down there pops, you’ve only got like a one twelfth of your life remaining and you wanna be making big boy decisions. On public transport imma make you stand there and think about your actions. But young people are equally to blame. I heard some of you guys were googling ‘What’s the EU’ after the referendum took place and one jabroni even wrote the status, ‘Now that we’re out of Europe, can we join another continent?’ Darling, are your parents siblings? Go back to watching Jeremy Kyle after your long hard day at the Job Centre, your input isn’t valid here.
It’s a wakeup call that there’s life outside of London and it’s called ‘the rest of the U.K.’. Londoners mainly voted to remain in the EU but Claire from Yorkshire had other ideas. I’ve started to hear grumblings of a ‘Lexit’ dubbed the London exit from the rest of the U.K. I think you need to ask your GP to up your dosage cos’ you’re obviously a tad loopy. Anyway, if another referendum happens, surely we gotta vote whether West London remains as part of the capital or not. Those guys are like the Billy Mitchell’s of London, they’re like the kid who’s terrible at sports but still gets picked for the first-team cos’ their dad’s the coach. Seriously though, the cultural divide is quite alarming; Londoners casting their votes mainly based on the state of the economy and the most other cities basing their votes on the ‘immigration crisis’. I bet you there’s no talk of a crisis when those same immigrants represent the UK in sports events or pump their tax money into the economy.
As you probably guessed, I voted to remain in the EU. But my reasoning was a simple one; both the remain and the leave campaigns were so half-hearted that I chose the status-quo. Plus, any campaign headed up by Boris Johnson and Nigel Farage is a campaign moonwalking right into disaster. Regardless, the amount of scaremongering and fabrication I’ve seen over the last couple of weeks is an absolute joke. Unless someone builds a time-machine so that they can slide tackle David Cameron just before he agreed to this referendum, we’re stuck with it and must respect the decision of the majority. But I don’t care if we’re in the EU, out of it or become the 51st state of America, I’m still prospering regardless. Your Facebook status’ liked by your fellow online politicians won’t help you out on this mate, how about we get off our arse’s and help make this Kingdom united again!