Not usually one to plug things via my blog but if you haven’t listened to Beyoncé’s latest album Lemonade, I genuinely advise you do. She’s got a couple bangers, the visuals are great and most importantly she’s packing a whole load of directs. I first caught wind of it as there was talk of alleged infidelity within her marriage with Jay Z… alleged? One of her lyrics was ‘if you try this sh*t again, you gon’ lose your wife’… yep, he did that ish! If someone dedicated half an album of flames in my direction, I’ll probably just melt away, this world won’t miss me. Have my friends and family talking about me in past tense. How can someone throw that much heat my way and expect me not to evaporate? I’m dark enough already, that tan would’ve left me looking Senegalese. At first I thought it was a marketing ploy but let’s be honest, the ‘Beyhive’ doesn’t need any gimmicks. Beyoncé could release an album of silence and that’s still getting more plays than most of your favourite rappers.
This just goes to show that ANYONE can get it, man, woman or dog. I’m yet to see a person alive who can’t be taken ‘fi eediat’. Being beautiful is no longer a suitable criteria, the entry requirements have become much more stringent. Beyoncé has been making movements since forever but even she wasn’t immune to this. She’s so influential that she sang ‘Single Ladies’ whilst planning her wedding in the background. If ‘do as I say but not as I do’ was a song, that’ll be it! Her ghost-writers didn’t even see that one coming at all. Honestly, I don’t wanna trivialise the situation but who saw that coming? Actually… from when we saw that hotel snippet of Solange giving Jay those kong-fu kicks in the elevator I’m sure we all had an inkling. The funniest thing about that scenario is when they’re leaving the elevator, Solange is visibly pissed off, Jay is licking his wounds but Beyoncé’s just smiling through it all, like nothing ever happened. You go girl!
At least this will put an end to those ‘Relationships Like This’ memes. They were advertised as the perfect couple but little did we know Jay has been folding women into all different shapes and sizes behind closed doors. What’s done in the dark will be revealed in the light! Do you know how badly you gotta mess up for someone to write those kinda songs? Then again, I remember coming across a lovely piece of poetry (please appreciate the irony) directed at me from
a crazy woman an old flame describing me as a ‘monster’ and my only crime was losing interest! Now imagine what you gotta do to be the focal point of a secret album which included visuals lol. Surely this was much more than unfaithfulness, I’m sure she was settling a dispute passed down from her ancestors.
Marketing ploy or not, I’ll forever question publicising something which casts doubt over your relationship. God forbid the Internet gets updated with my latest relationship status before I do. Have to delete your socials before the f*ck boys skydive in your comments section. You can’t play ‘Happy Family’ after your missus dropped a mixtape on you, you’ve basically got no option but to reply with a diss track of your own. Ring up Chip to get the location of that petrol station. Everyone loves a bit of drama especially when they’re not the main protagonist. You only need to know a bit of the gist to start jumping to conclusions so when your relations are in the limelight, rumours will only stop when people find a new story to jump on. Will they won’t they, did he didn’t he… really guys? Whilst you’re out here dwelling over someone else’s issues, your partner’s behind your back chatting to ‘Becky with the good hair’.