Basic Prick Rant

Guys, let’s be real. We’ve all had those moments where your group chat is popping off ‘cos you and your guys are discussing the different women you’ve been entertaining in some form or another. You may even throw in a picture of a beauty you’ve been talking to as well, it’s all light-hearted. But why is it always the lamest guy in your batch who’s got the harshest opinions? That guy will be slating women left, right and centre even though they themselves look like they used to be a child soldier in a past life. You know it’s bad when you and your other friends start discussing the situation in the group chat which said guy isn’t included in. Sound familiar… no? That probably means you’re that lame guy in question lol, so oblivious to your own flaws yet still manages to have an opinion on everybody else.

These are the guys I’ll describe as all round Mugus (a person with unbelievable, inexcusable and indescribable stupidity), yet convinces themselves otherwise. I wouldn’t trust you guys to return back from the shops with my correct change, so why would I trust your opinions on women? ‘Gaslight merchants’ who’ll drive someone crazy then be confused when they act crazy. “I know I said I loved you.. but I meant it as a friend” type guys. And I’m not a fortune teller, but some things are just more predictable than others. I tend to see traits in guys which more often than not they live up to. Then again, I’ve been accused of having one of those ‘you must talk to a lot of girls’ type faces… lol, b*tch where? When they say nice guys finish last, I didn’t believe them until ’09 where I was still getting overlooked for guys who shaved two slits in their eye-brows as ‘fashion’. I didn’t have the patience for all that.

These are the guys I’ll describe as all round Mugus (a person with unbelievable, inexcusable and indescribable stupidity), yet convinces themselves otherwise

What peeves me off the most about you guys is that there’s a stark difference between the calibre of women you judge and the calibre of women you actually entertain. I used to know a guy who’d pass comments on any woman he’d deem not having the ‘full package’ yet his own girlfriend looked like her parents were siblings. How can you demand the full package when you’ve been content with the trial version for all this time? Those packages that get lost in transit on a Hermes vibe. I remember when this joker had the audacity to fling his missus’ picture in the group chat and my WhatsApp blocked it for spam; my phone reset itself and started installing vital updates. Stunts like that should affect a man’s credit rating ‘cos you’re obviously not a trustworthy character.

I’m convinced some of you lot are finding these guys through the UCAS clearing system or something. I wouldn’t even say some of my own friends were stand-out guys if I’m honest buy that’s another blog entirely. When I think about the dating pool for woman it’s actually frightening lol. Majority of guys nowadays just want to update their CV with your name on it. No full time roles, just work experience. Have to keep your wits about you to suss out the intentions of a basic prick. ‘We should hang out some time’… lol, you are not a towel, where will you be hanging? Anyways, I’m convinced some women actually enjoy being heartbroken just so they can write those “I’m just focusing on my education and God” status. Darling, he was inviting you over for Netflix and Chill without even having Netflix, God put all those red flags in front of you yet you still entertained him. Take it from me, if he’s not your boyfriend and he uses those monkey emojis as a form of communication… he’s up to no good.

Joe