Can you believe a few years ago I was sitting on £4.94 an hour… what kind of slave labour was that lol. Back then I had to save up to be broke. With the amount I spent on travel and lunch, I soon realised that going to work was becoming a cash loss. To be honest though, life in retail couldn’t have been simpler. “I ain’t got money” was a genuine excuse for not meeting up with people. Now I find myself on moneysavingexpert.com working out how much the government plans to steal from me every month. Truth be told, money changes everything. I’ve seen people juggling their Tesco groceries on the main road ‘cos they refuse to pay 5p for a bag. The same Tesco that was serving up horse burgers and no-one batted an eyelid, but the introduction of further costs will have people show their true colours. At least you can say those people were acting within their means, certain guys will be flossing in high-end restaurants whilst their fridge is looking like they’re practising for Ramadan.
Something I’ve realised though is that friends and money don’t mix. That’ll provoke hostility in even the most solid of relationships. There’s been times where I’ve borrowed people money with the hope that it’ll be returned by the end of the week… a month later I’ll holla back like “hmmmmm oh my gosh, why the f*ck you lying?” Then I’ll be watching their Snapchat and they’re enjoying life, toasting the finest babes.. are you not mad? You should be cowering away in fear until my money is repaid back bro. And for some reason, asking for your own money back makes you look eager, but what’s the alternative? Am I expected to let it go.. Let It Go? This is not Frozen 2 my guy, I won’t be mistaken for a singalong. It’s not that I’ll necessarily need the money, it’s more the principle of dragging out the whole process. I’ll borrow my own money back if need be, do one of those Bugs Bunny mind tricks on you.
I’ve way too much pride to be asking people for money these days, in your moment of need people will act like they’ve got one over on you. Messages will go from “Hey bro” to “Hello Joseph” in a heartbeat; be talking to me like they work in HR. Using my government name like they’re HMRC. Had to invest in a turtleneck to give people the illusion that I’m financially sound, can’t be having my name slandered in the group chat. Hell will freeze over before I have someone asking me for updates like they’re my Line Manager, requesting status progress and enquiring about next steps. It’s a dangerous spiral too, you start borrowing money from people and next minute you’re moving like Oliver Twist; “please sir, can I have some more”. I pray to God that’ll never be my portion! I enjoy going to sleep every night knowing I’m not in debt and until I get a mortgage or trapped with a youth, I’ll prefer things to stay that way.
I honestly don’t mind if you’re bad with money but if that’s the case, leave me out. I’ll genuinely use £30 worth of petrol to collect a £25 debt just to prove a point. Cutting my own nose to spite my face type vibe. Your money habits isn’t anybody else’s problem but your own, so don’t feel you can take me for an ATM unless you’re prepared to participate in The Bailiff Game if repayments aren’t made. I’ll turn up at your front door like I work for UPS, enquire about your possessions like you’re on ‘Can’t Pay, Take It Away’. I’ve had moments where my funds were declining faster than the Zimbabwean dollar yet I still slugged it out, I didn’t do all of that to be taken ‘fi eediat’. ‘Cos on the flip-side, people will never let you forget when their money is due neither, can’t have this being used against me. “Bro, I’ve been attacked! I’m dying, I need help”… “Nah mate, you can’t die, you still owe me that fiver from last Tuesday”.