It’s funny lol, I’ve realised that the more money I earn, the more female attention I get… okay, so it’s not ‘ha ha’ funny but something I’ve noticed over the years. A decent salary will have her like “he’s just a friend” to “he’s kinda cute you know”. Won’t be long until you receive those “where you taking me“ texts too. I remember when I first started receiving those sorts of messages, I weren’t taking her anywhere but that’s besides the point. I realised that the exchange rate of money and attention was disproportional, but I don’t make the rules. If there’s anything one can learn from the life of Lil’ Wayne is that money makes you more attractive. An ugly guy and an ugly guy with a penthouse suite are not the same. Hell, even an ugly guy with a studio flat in Croydon ain’t the same neither. Having your own place is a cheat-code they ain’t trying to tell you about but unfortunately, I’m far away from that reality. And considering the way London rent prices are going, imma make my a** comfy at home!
I’ll forever be bantered about my living situation; ‘banker who still lives with mum’. I don’t know about you but that sounds a lot better than ‘banker uses half of his salary to pay off someone else’s mortgage’. ‘You’re paying off someone’s mortgage’ is such a lame response but the only one I had in my armoury. Isn’t it funny how life has changed though? When I was younger, people were getting knocked up in order to get first dibs on council flats; I finally understand the thinking behind that. I lived out for part of my university life and the only thing emptier than my bank account was my fridge. At one point I was living off basic rations like it was war time, Alsace-Lorraine vibes. I remember emptying out my penny jar at the Tesco self-checkout machine to buy store brand bottles of water… the look the woman behind me in the queue gave will haunt me for days to come! How was I supposed to know the machine would only count each penny once at a time? You tend to forget about all the other ‘joys’ that come with moving out.
Rule of thumb, if it doesn’t make your life more practical, there’s probably no worth in doing so. Growing up is a trap that we’ve all been roped into. I’m not ready to take on unnecessary responsibility, I’m still getting used to paying adult prices for everything I do. An adult cinema ticket can set you back as much as £15 nowadays and yet they wonder why everyone streams movies online. Netflix couldn’t come soon enough! Until the day my mum puts me up for eviction like it’s the Big Brother house, imma presume I’m safe and save as much money as possible before I start thinking about flying the nest. The worst thing you can do is move out before your time. I’ve seen people weep back home like The Prodigal Son cause that electricity bill took them by surprise. Simple lack of toilet tissue is sending people over the edge, sorry yeah, I can’t relate!
Even if you have a solid reason for wanted to leave mum’s, people will still have one reason or another as to why it’s a waste of money. The ‘because I want to’ mentality shouldn’t always be frowned upon and if it’s within your means then that’s even better. In fact, that’s between you and the bailiff hiding in the hedges outside encase you miss a payment. Life’s too short to be living for other people. I too experienced the whole ‘waste of money’ speech when I purchased my car last year. I was suddenly greeted by a whole bunch of Oyster Card advocates explaining how great TFL was and how my thinking was impractical. Perhaps it was… but I let those words soothe me as I drive past the bus stop they’re waiting at after a night out.